Increasing Self Esteem - What You Can Learn From Barack Obama

Low self esteem is prevalent in our society these days and it strikes me that so much of it is driven by a misplaced focus on what other people think.
Imagine growing up in a racially mixed family and working your way up to President of the United States of America, by far the greatest position a human on this planet can attain? Well, what is President Obama's message to young and old, rich and poor, black and white, and all cultures? "Yes We Can!" But in reality for "WE" to do anything it means "You" are part of the equation too. That means that you are important and you matter and without you, "WE" have nothing.
That means that you are important and you matter and without you, "WE" have nothing. So, anytime you feel that you don't count or you do not matter, well, think again, because that is not what the President says. And how do you think he would know that?
Well, he is living proof that you can do anything in America, as it truly is the land of opportunity. Why not think about what that means for you? If you wish to move your life forward, then you must believe to achieve, know that you are important, that you matter and that you can do anything that you put your mind and effort into. Yes, you must work hard, smart, make lots of friends and never give up.

The modern world created the social pressures that lead to low self esteem. In actually fact you don't need either low or high self esteem, you just need it to be purposeful. You need it to be able to do for you whatever it is that makes you get out of bed in the morning and have a good day.

It is if you like the ability to get into the right frame of mind to do whatever it is that you do. For a airline pilot this might be very different to a prison officer or an artist. Self esteem merely has to be purposeful.

High self esteem can frequently be as big a problem as low self esteem. We've all come across the really cocky, over-confident salesman. So over the top it actually puts us off buying. That is destructive high self esteem and there are many such examples. Many of our prisons are full of people with extremely high self esteem. They got there because they thought they were above everyone else.

So low self esteem and high self esteem can be equally destructive and equally unpleasant.

Time spent on your self esteem is time very well spent. We can all see the value of studying towards educational achievements. We can all see the benefit of on the job training. But what about training our minds? What about spending some time on a bit of a brain workout - to get rid of the clutter and beef up the important bits.

Of course, you must do that, but realize and know in your heart that you count. Perhaps, you should take a look at what President Obama has achieved in his life and apply these same principles in your own. Self esteem is a matter of an inward view of strength, hope and belief. So, please consider this next time you feel the world is too much or you feel that you do not count.

Remember where you are going. Remember your goals. Remember you are the leader of you, just like every other successful person on the planet. Because in doing so, you will have a positive opinion about yourself and your ability to make good decisions.

Changing Me to Change Them

"We must be the change we wish to see in this world."--Mahatma Gandhi, Indian nationalist and spiritual leader who developed the practice of nonviolent disobedience that forced Great Britain to grant independence to India in 1947.

I can think of all kinds of ways to change our kids, my associates, my husband Wilson and lots of other people in my life. But that's not the place to start. The place to start is with changing me. The Nobel Prize winning physicist, Albert Einstein, observed that we can't solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it. The same principle applies to influencing and leading people around us. I can't influence others to change what they're doing with the same behavior that contributed to their current behavior.

The longer I've been with others who I'd like to improve or change, the more this applies to me. Something I've been doing, or failing to do, has contributed to their current behavior patterns. If I am going to shift their behavior to a new level, I will need to change my behavior. To change them, I need to change me. As the 18th century French writer, Francois Fenelon, put it, "We can often do more for others by correcting our own faults than by trying to correct theirs."

This key leadership principle is useless if we think that we can control others. It's especially easy to believe this if I am the boss, parent, owner, teacher, coach, project leader, director, or in some similar position of authority. I will always be stuck at the superficial level of "doing my leadership thing" as long as I try controlling others through position power. I am ready to move to the deeper levels of leadership (and greater effectiveness) when I give up trying to control. I can then shift my focus to influencing and guiding others by what I do, as well as by what I say.

To create something we must be something. For example, becoming a parent is easy; being one is tough. We can't teach our kids self-discipline unless we are self-disciplined. We can't help build strong organizational teams unless we're a strong team player. We can't help develop a close community if we're not a good neighbor. We can't enjoy a happy marriage if we're not a loving partner. We won't have a supportive network of friends or colleagues until we're a supportive friend or collaborative colleague.

In The Heart Aroused: Poetry and Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America, David Whyte writes, "All things change when we do."
In our leadership development work we use a simple exercise to help participants connect the changes they'd like to see, to the changes they need to make in their own behavior. Draw a line down the middle of a page. Title the left column "Changes I'd Like Them to Make." List the four or five biggest changes you'd like to see in others.

OK, that's the easy part. Now title the right column "Ways I Can Exemplify These Changes." Brainstorm ways you can influence "them" with your personal behavior. This is the hard part. It means I must face up to what I have or haven't been doing to influence their behavior.

It's much easier to be a victim--to blame all their behavior on them and refuse to accept any responsibility at all. But how honest and true is that--really? I may need more feedback from them to clearly see my role in their behavior. I likely need to reflect further and deeper on our relationship. The big (and often painful) leadership question is; what do I need to change about me to help change them? Instead of just wishing for a change of circumstance, I may need a change of character.

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done."--Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American writer and poet.
Most of us put leading by example high on the list of key leadership characteristics. We use phrases like "walking the talk" or "connecting the video with the audio" to express this core leadership concept. That's authenticity.

We recognize real leadership when we see it in others. What we often don't recognize is our own behavior reflected back to us. For example, children act like their parents despite all attempts to get them to love learning. Teams act like their leaders, despite attempts to train them otherwise. Customers yawn about the indifference of our service despite all the catchy slogans and advertising. Family members feel unappreciated despite (unexpressed) feelings about how much they mean to us. Conflict creates tension and misunderstanding despite realizations that issues should be confronted more effectively.

Good intentions are useless if they stop there. Unless we act on them, they're nothing more than warm, fuzzy thoughts in our own heads. When it comes to leadership, the messenger must be the message. That well-known biblical story of the Good Samaritan would have no meaning if all he did was look with sympathy at the badly wounded traveler lying by the road. He acted on his compassion and made a difference. One of the biggest differences between most people and authentic leaders is action. Real leaders make it happen.

Resist discouragement

I believe procrastination is the number-one enemy of your life mission. You know what you're supposed to do, but you keep putting it off. That's a deadly enemy. But a close second is discouragement. If Satan can't get you to put off your life mission, he'll try to make you quit altogether.

If I'm going to fulfill the purpose for which I was made, then I must resist discouragement. Galatians (6:9) says: "Let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." Do you ever get tired of doing what's right? Sure you do.

When you're discouraged, you're ineffective, because discouraged people are the opposite of people of faith. When I am discouraged, I'm saying, "It can't be done." That's the exact opposite of saying, "I know God can do it because He's said …"

I have a few questions for you. How do you handle failure? When things don't go your way, do you start getting grumpy? Do you get frustrated? Do you start complaining? Do you have a pity party? Do you finish what you start? How would you rate yourself on persistence? The Bible says you need to resist discouragement. Don't give in without a fight.

Nothing worthwhile ever happens without endurance and energy. When a sculptor is trying to sculpt a masterpiece, do you think the first time he hits the chisel with the hammer everything's going to fall off and it will be a beautiful sculpture? No. He has to keep hitting it and hitting it, chipping away. And that's the way life is. Nothing really worthwhile ever comes easy in life. You keep hitting it and going after it—and little by little your life becomes a masterpiece.

The fact is, great people are really just ordinary people with an extraordinary amount of determination. Great people don't know how to quit.

I'm sure many of you are discouraged. Some of you are discouraged over your children. Their lives are not going well. Some of you are discouraged about your marriage. It's not what you thought it was going to be. Some of you are discouraged about your ministry. Or about your finances, or your health, or an unanswered prayer.

I want to say something to you. It may sound mean, but it isn't. I say this in love. If you're discouraged, that's your choice. You have chosen to be discouraged. Discouragement is always a choice. It comes from thinking discouraging thoughts—and you can change your thoughts any time. You have a choice of what you're going to focus on: either your purpose or your problems, God's power or your weakness, Christ or your circumstances. It's your choice.

Great people fight discouragement. Here's a tip to help: When you get discouraged,

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

ignore it. Just say to yourself, "I don't have time to be discouraged right now. I'm too busy fulfilling my mission." You can be realistic, but you also need to be optimistic because you are a Christian. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And "Lo, I am with you always," God says (Philippians 4:13; Matthew 28:20). He will help you, and He will strengthen you. Faith starts with optimism.

Some of you are going through some difficult times right now and you feel like dropping out of the race. You're discouraged because the situation seems unmanageable. Unreasonable. Unfair. It may seem unbearable. Inside you're basically saying, "Lord, I just can't take it anymore!" But you can. You can take it some more because God is with you. He'll enable you. Remember, you are never a failure until you quit, because quitting means you won't make it to the finish line.

Resist discouragement! Finish the race God has set before you.

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